all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
