I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
