I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize