She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
