True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
smell my finger.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
