I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
