Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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