So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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