Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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