the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
