while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
