Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
