Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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