the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
