I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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