I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
And then the night went full on bisexual.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
