The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
