a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
