Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
