Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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