I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize