I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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