He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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