I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
