HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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