I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
