Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
