Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
