i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
