honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
