I need to stop coming to work sober
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Randomize
