you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
