Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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