dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
