It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
