its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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