when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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