I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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