It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
