i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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