just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
