Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
