I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
