i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
