y did u give ur computer a hand job?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
