I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
