I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
