I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
