i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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