I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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