Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
