Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize