Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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