we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
