you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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