Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
