Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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