you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
