If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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