There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
