i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
