Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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