I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
