The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he told me I talked like a deaf person
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I can't turn off my feet"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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