I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
