I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
