Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
