Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
