hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
smell my finger.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
