we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
