he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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