I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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