I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
