i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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