woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
