i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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